


How Do I Love You...?

by SpaceKatEyes



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alcohol, Christmas, M/M, Nudity, Post-Break Up, Seifer's mom is amazing, Sexual Content, Side Akuroku, Side Olette/Pence, Swearing, Winter Break, Yearning, fire places, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 14:37:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6859045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceKatEyes/pseuds/SpaceKatEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As if the holidays couldn't get anymore lonely, Hayner finds himself without the means to go back home, this after a bad break up just a couple months earlier. Just when he resigns to the sad fact that he'll be alone on Christmas nursing a broken heart, a prime opportunity presents itself. Either this can go really well, or horribly bad.... What else is new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do I Love You...?

**Author's Note:**

> Another Seiner fic for your viewing pleasure~. I meant for this one to be short, but then it turned out to be nearly 9,000 words... oops? I saw a prompt and ran with it, this is slightly angsty, so there's that.
> 
> Also, I started this shortly before Christmas, hoping to post it ON Christmas... and now it's the middle of May... my procrastination levers are amazing.

     The holiday season has never been my favorite time of the year. It hasn’t been since I stopped being a kid and then getting presents wasn’t all that thrilling. They became essential gifts like appliances and money and ‘grown up’ things like that. Family has always been bitter sweet. I love seeing my family, don’t get me wrong; pretty much everyone likes seeing their family to a point, but at the same time they take a lot out of me and by the end of the week I’m annoyed with everyone. Staring numbly at the frost covered glass door in front of me, I vaguely looked over the food items within it. Letting out a puff of air, I watched my visible breath with a heavy heart. This year, I won’t even get to be with _anyone_ over the holidays… I can’t afford it. Plane tickets seem to get more and more expensive each year and being a broke 23 year old who only can afford to feed myself and pay rent, means that a ticket to see family is out of the question. They all agreed to just send me any gifts I get and that they’d make up a plate for me and have someone bring it to me. It’s a nice gesture, but that doesn’t make the loneliness inside me go away. Rox, Pence and ‘Lette are all going away for the holidays too, so I can’t even distract myself with them. Even if they were staying, they all are with someone currently, so I’d be a giant third wheel, drifting by myself in a sea of lovey dovey. Roxas would be all over Axel, Pence and Olette would be engrossed in their cutesy talk, and I would be awkwardly sitting off to the side. Either way I’m alone…. That’s a fact that I’m still reeling from… I wasn’t always alone, until a few months ago….

    Sighing, I opened the door I had been staring at for five minutes now, pulling out a single serving frozen TV dinner of chicken, mashed potatoes and mac-n-cheese. Yay. Bachelorhood... living the dream… Tossing it into my basket, I ran a hand down my face, my chest tightening painfully. All at once my thoughts were scattered at a high pitched voice cooing my name, my head whipping to the side to see who called my name.

“ Mister and Mrs. Almasy…” I breathed out before I even knew what was happening. I’ve met the older couple before and they- specifically Mrs. Almasy- adored me, enough to give me gifts and keep in touch ever since… The shorter blonde woman came up to me, pulling me in for a tight hug, ranting about how good I looked, pulling away to look me over with approval twinkling in her aqua eyes.

“ Oh Hayner, it’s so good to see you again honey!! You’re just as handsome as I remember! Gosh! I think you’ve gotten taller! You boys sure do grow like weeds!” She let out a full laugh, grabbing my face as she beamed at me, making a small smile settle onto my face. She has that sort of effect. “ How you holding up? Good? You look good.” Mrs. Almasy paused as she looked down at my basket, catching sight of the frozen meal, a frown marring her face. “ That’s no good, you should eat better Hayner!”

“ Sorry, it’s just that I’m kind of on a limited budget these days. Don’t get to go to my folks for the holidays so I have to make do.” I shrugged, watching her place her hands on her hips as she appeared to be in thought, glancing over to her husband once.

“ Well, if you have no holiday plans, how about you come up to our cabin for a week or two? We won’t be up until Christmas day, but Seifer’s there now, so you’ll have company.” My blood ran cold at her mentioning him, my throat closing up as my heart lurched. Seifer… the bastard who got under my skin only to end up cutting me deep when we were over… We had a messy breakup after three years of dating, it was a huge arguement that blew up into a fight which meant the end of our relationship. I can’t even remember what the fight was about. I know it was stupid, but I haven’t even allowed myself to think about him lately. I haven’t gotten over him and have been a mess ever since… I couldn’t go back to him, seeing as I was the one who screamed for him to ‘ get out of my life and to never show his face again’. I highly doubt he’s going to want to see _my face_ during the holidays in his family’s cabin.

“ Um, I would love to, but… I don’t think Seifer’s going to… want to see me, you know. I don’t want to ruin the holidays for him or anything.” I sheepishly rubbed my arm, finding it awkward to talk about my relationship with Seifer, with _Seifer’s parents_. Sure, they didn’t care one bit that their son was dating another man, which was reassuring, but that doesn’t mean I want to talk about my ex with his parents. Mrs. Almasy waved her hand in front of her face in dismissal, clicking her tongue at my reasoning for declining her offer.

“ Nonsense! Having you around will be lovely! Seifer will be happy to see you, trust me! He’s been down ever since you two split, he talks about you all the time and still has your picture on his phone and everything. If he seems upset it’s because he’s a stubborn Almasy who thinks showing how he really feels is the worst thing ever! He’s wants you back, so he’ll be fine!” Something in me stirred at her saying Seifer missed me as much as I’ve missed him, _yearning_ to run back into his embrace. That stupid godly body of his and his unruly platinum blond hair and those stunning electric blue eyes, with his protective and guarded personality… I want him so much, it hurts. Staring down at my feet, I felt heat blossom across the tips of my ears, it having everything to do with my embarrassment at gushing over Seifer in my head.

“ You think so…?” I quietly murmured, every fiber of my being yelling for me to book it up to their cabin so I could see my ex-lover. I’ve been _restless_ in his absence and need to see him again, I’m just, afraid… Afraid he’ll be upset with me and tell me that he doesn’t ever want to see me again.

“ I _know_ so! Come up tomorrow, I’ll email you the address.”

    The next morning I was sitting in my car, a big duffel bag in the back, my head in my hands as my flushed face grew hot. Oh, what am I doing…? This is a horrible idea...One of the worst I’ve ever had probably. What are you thinking Hayner?! Maybe Seifer was just putting on a front for them and he’s going to hate your guts when you get up there. Or maybe he’s moved on by now and has someone special. Or they just overexaggerated how thrilled he’d be to get back together with me...So many things could go wrong and turn out horribly…

    Despite my reservations, I set out for the cabin, nervous as all get out. It took everything in me to keep my hands from shaking as I reached the cabin. Pulling my bag out, I threw it over my shoulder, taking a steadying deep breath. My legs shook as I walked up to the house, knocking timidly on the door, not sure why I was so frazzled about this. I’ve had a relationship with this man before! I _know_ him stupidly well at this point. He might seem like an explosive guy, and was in high school, but he’s not like that 98% of the time. It takes a _lot_ to get him pissed enough to explode. Him being unhappy to see me wouldn’t be one of those cases. If anything he’ll be more hurt than angry… which still doesn’t sound good.

    My breath caught at the door opening, Seifer appearing before me for the first time in forever…. with his _hat off_ . He _never_ takes his hat off unless I’d physically pull it off of him, which sometimes took a lot of effort. His hair looked gorgeous all wild and half slicked back. It looks like he did his hair up nice then decided to put back on his hat only to take it off again. He was wearing a nice dress shirt, making me feel weird being in my hoodie. It dawned on me that he left his hat at my place when we split and I hung onto it in hopes he might come back one day for it… It was stupid and petty, and I most definitely never cried myself to sleep while cuddling with his hat… nope. His own eyes widened as he stiffened up, his eyes flitting from left to right like he was waiting for a punchline of some sick joke before they rested on me. The blond’s grip on the door tightened as he stared at me, raging emotions swimming in those intimidating crystal blues.

“ Hayner…” My name came out like a hissed whisper, like a name he thought he’d never say to address someone ever again. It hurt, the unwelcome surprise in his voice, but I deserved it. “ What the hell are you doing here?” At his question his eyes glanced down to the bag slung over my shoulder for the first time, knowing full well why I was here now. Feeling awkwardness seeping in between us, I let out an almost curt laugh as I shifted on my feet.

“ They… uh, didn’t, tell you, I take it?” I managed to work out of myself, my throat alarmingly dry. I could feel my face growing red from the cold nipping at it, Seifer’s intense, unbroken stare pinning me to my spot not helping.

“ I haven’t been told anything since my parents insisted that I come up here early, and sure as hell didn’t mention you anywhere in the equation, so I’m going to guess no. What is it I’m supposed to know?” My ex-lover’s words were a verbal slap to the face, not having expected a warm welcome like his mom suggested but hurt all the same. It took a couple attempts to work out my words, having to look away from his piercing stare to compose myself.

“ They- your mom- invited me up here. I had nowhere to go for the holidays and… she said… you might… you...wanted-”

“ Enough. Get your sorry ass inside before I leave it out there to get frostbit.” Glancing up at him, I caught his hand pinching and massaging the bridge of his nose, probably guessing what I tried to say. I never thought I’d get broken up about telling him I thought he missed me and wanted to see me again. I knew that wasn’t the case, I let my delusions get the best of me. Brushing past him into the heated cabin, I felt even more awkward than I did outside. The silence inside was deafening. It was the kind of silence that amplified every tiny noise and made you hyper-aware of yourself. Not to mention I was fidgeting nervously, unsure of what to do with myself now that I’m here. What I wouldn’t give for him to just fawn all over me like I wished he would but know he won’t… With an abnormally loud slam of the door, Seifer walked past me, almost seeming like he was going to ignore me the remainder of the time I was going to stay here. “ You can stay in one of the rooms upstairs. I don’t care which.” With that he disappeared into the kitchen area, leaving me to my own devices.

    Heading upstairs with a heavy heart, I caught the beginnings of a conversation, Seifer probably having called his parents immediately to report my appearance. Gee, what a _fan-fucking-tastic_ idea it was to come up here… Having a blast. Why would I ever think this was going to turn out any other way than it is right now? Why don’t you get your head out of your ass Hayner?! I’m such a fucking idiot…

    I walked by what is Seifer’s room, I’m guessing, going into the room right next to his. Wow, could I be more pathetic…? Throwing my duffel on the floor, I closed the door behind me, throwing myself onto the bed. It’s like my heart is breaking all over again. If I thought my longing for him was bad before, it’s worse now that I’ve seen him again. Curling up in the bed, I buried my face into the pillow, not even wanting to be here anymore. I doubt he’ll care if I hole myself up here until whenever the party is.

I must’ve been laying there longer than I thought, seeing as the door opened-well, I didn’t _see_ , I heard. The only person it could’ve been was Seifer, who shifted on his feet, his voice breaking the silence that enveloped me.

“ I made dinner, and you’re going to come down and eat it because you’re not going to just commandeer the bedroom and starve yourself out because you’ve got your head up your ass. It’s not like you to be so fucking mopey.” His last sentence seemed more like he was talking aloud than to me. He’s right though. I don’t get wrapped up in my grief like this. I move on. Just hearing his voice made my heart lurch, almost able to feel him crawling into bed, wrapping his arms around me as he kissed my neck slowly… But he’s not in bed with me, he’s standing in the doorway, no doubt leaning against it, arms crossed as he looks down at me. It’s sad I know his postures well enough to guess how he’s standing. Letting out a short, humorless laugh, I pushed myself up, glancing over to him, wanting to laugh that he was standing just how I thought he was.

“ Well, you always were my weakness.” I half-whispered, catching how he faltered slightly at the comment. Everything about me changed, which is ridiculous. It’s just a stupid relationship, people break up all the time and just move on. He shouldn’t have gotten under my skin so much. I’m being childish.

Dinner was tense and all sorts of levels of awkward. We were just silently sitting across from each other, staring at our plates as we ate. At least Seifer is a really good cook, so the food isn’t disgusting or something. And, surprisingly, he was the first one to break the silence.

“ How are the lamers? They busy or something?” He asked, using his affectionate name for my friends. They all got along well with each other once he and I got together.

“ ‘Lette and Pence were going to ‘Lette’s family’s place over the holidays, and Roxas was going to go with Axel to Roxas’ family, but they’re probably just going to screw each other the whole time because they’re rabbits.” I explained, a little bit more comfortable now that I’m talking about my friends. Seifer even laughed at the news about Axel and Roxas.

“ Sounds like them.” A thought creeped into my head, it having been bothering me since I got here. And since some of the air cleared around us, maybe… I can see if I can ask…? Clearing my throat, I played with my fork to distract myself.

“ Hey, Seif?” I internally cringed at the nickname slipping out, not meaning to call him intimate names when we’re technically not together at the moment. “ Uh, did you… _do_ you miss m-”

“ _Stop_.” His slightly irritated voice cut me off, his icy eyes cutting me. “ Don’t even ask. I don’t want to talk about it, not now.” I could hear his voice waver with emotion, the subject of our crumbling relationship getting to him at least a little bit. It made me hopeful, that maybe he was hurting as much as I do and might want to rekindle things between us. Wanting to at least keep up our conversation, I tried again.

“ Okay… Sorry. Uh, you look, _really_ good today. I was surprised that you were dressed up.” He visibly relaxed at the change in topics, throwing me a small smirk. It made my heart flutter, I couldn’t help but give him a dorky smile back.

“ Thanks Hay, I thought my parents might be coming and I didn’t want to hear them complain that I should be dressed up, so I saved myself the trouble.” He explained easily, even using my nickname. Good. We’re making progress. At least we can be friends. It’d be hard to be here if we were at each other’s throats. “ You look awful.” I couldn’t help but laugh at his comment on my own appearance, knowing he was right. I haven’t been sleeping well and have been eating frozen dinners. I bet that I looked worked over.

“ Gee thanks, you always had a way with words.” I drawled, the sound of his laughter making a warmth spread through me like I haven’t ever felt… I didn’t think it could feel so _good_ to hear someone laugh, make me so _happy_. It’s been so long since I’ve heard him laugh, I forgot how wonderful it was. I must’ve been starting embarrassingly long at my old lover, based on his confused expression once I came back down to earth. While I battled a blush that threatened to overtake my face, Seifer laughed at me once again, rolling his eyes as he took both our plates over to the sink.

“ And I see you still have that habit to zone out, space cadet. You should really do something about that.” Seifer playfully teased, not understanding that spacing out is only something I do when I’m around him, or thinking about him. Love will do that to you. Frowning at him making fun  of me, I was surprised when he turned around and gave me the warmest smile he’s shown me since I knocked on the door. “ Hey, you should probably head to bed Hay, you’re going to want all the energy possible once it comes time for the Christmas party, trust me. My family will run you ragged. Might as well get a head start now. If you look unrested around my mom, you know how much she’ll nitpick you. I’m saying this for your own good.” With that fond and oh so handsome look he’s giving me, there’s no way I could’ve argued even if I wanted to. Not that I could’ve heard myself over the loud thumping of my heart to make an argument anyways. It’s almost sinful how easily he can get my blood pumping. Needless to say, I was saying goodnight and in my bed right away.

    It was hard to sleep knowing the man who single handedly was indirectly controlling my  life was sleeping just a wall apart from me. I spent a good couple hours lying awake, staring at my ceiling, Seifer’s smell and smile and presence running through my mind. My imagination cruelly running wild, the feeling of Seifer’s hands wandering my body like he used to tantalizingly possible now. I’ve been desperately daydreaming of our intimate moments to try and cling to what we had, like the pathetic loser I am, but now… Now he’s _so close_ , and the urge to come together again is ripping me from the inside. Damn it Hayner! Control yourself! You’re being the type of person you hate! It’s my fucking fault we’re in this mess, I’m the one who made my bed and now I have to lie in it. I have no right to pine for some physical contact with him. It’s like we’re back at square one, back in elementary school, bullying each other because we didn’t know how to work out our feelings. We’re back to being friends, completely platonic. Sort of. I’m positive that he still has some lingering feelings, at _least_. He’d be inhuman if he could wipe the slate clean like that after how long we were together. He’s the one who said those three words first, that has to mean something. I’m happy to have him willingly be in my presence again. Just, sleep for now.

    I passed out at some point in the night, only to have an ice cold hand on my bare back be my wake-up call. Jolting up, I let out a loud yell as I rolled over, nearly falling out of the bed as gorgeous laughter filled the room. Glaring over at the offender, I saw Seifer come into focus, throwing my pillow at him, pissed off that he easily caught it.

“ Good morning to you too, grumpy ass. It’s time for breakfast.” He explained, lightly tossing the pillow back to me with a smug smile. He never was the one to wake up early, so I’m surprised that he’s the one looking all bright eyed at this hour. I slurred out a groggy ‘shut up’, trying to lay back down, wanting to just sleep for a little longer. Seifer wasn’t having any of it and grabbed me by my ankles and pulled me out of bed. After a round of slurred curses from me, I resigned and followed my ex down stairs, feeling a little self conscious about being shirtless. I even folded my arms over my chest to make myself a little less revealing. Sure, we were lovers and did _very_ sexual things and saw each other naked more than we saw ourselves naked, but it’s still awkward.

    This became somewhat of a morning routine for a couple days. Seifer would burst into my room at an ungodly hour for winter break, rudely wake me up, sometimes have to literally pull me from my bed, and we’d share breakfast. We both seemed to settle over the couple days we were together. We’d talk a lot easier and we’d watch movies together, talk about how things were going in our lives. The tension I had built up in myself, waiting for everything to fall apart gradually fell away. This is nice… I’m happy to just be back in his presence, Seifer really isn’t a bad guy. There’s a reason why I fell in love with him. So far the only time we’ve had any tension was the first day and the moment I opened my big mouth and tried asking him about whether he missed me or not.

    The Christmas party was going to be the next day, so he and I both agreed we’d help get the place decorated today and make everything look tidy. Surprisingly, I woke up of my own free will, feeling excited that I got the chance at a little revenge. Eagerly throwing off my covers, I quietly made my way to Seifer’s room, peaking in the crack of the door. Smiling widely to myself, I slipped in, seeing his sleeping form bundled up in the covers, sock covered feet poking out the bottom while the covers were pulled up to his nose. Sometimes he really is too cute for someone so badass and sexy. You’d never guess it looking at him that he has his cute and cuddly moments when he wants to make himself vulnerable. Relishing the sweet sounds of his level breathing, I walked over to his bed, leaning over as I studied his relaxed face. God, it’s so hard to not kiss this idiot… Reaching out, I carefully ran a hand through his sleep mussed light blond hair, unable to help my urges. I can’t just be this close to him and not want to touch him. Focusing on the task at hand, I grabbed a handful of his sheets, grinning as I yanked them back, ready to yell out a cheery greeting like he usually does. All the blood in my body seemed to rush both to my face and to my groin as I took in the sight below me. I had forgotten his sleeping habits… I should’ve known what I was in for but… There was my former lover, splayed out in front of me, every inch of his defined body available to be ravished, his skin lacking my possessive markings like I remember it last. Remembering that breathing is something necessary for living, I swallowed around the knot in my throat, tracing his body with my eyes. Oh baby… I want to crawl over him and wake him up with a nice hot, heavy makeout session…

    The man I was fantasizing about over his bed stirred slightly, turning his head to the side as he scrunched up his face slightly, making a soft noise. My heart launched itself into orbit, realization of what I was doing sinking in. The throbbing in my crotch was my signal to get the hell out of his room. I all but ran back to my room, locking the door behind me as I panted, sliding down the door a little as I felt my face burn with a blush. How disgusting… I was eying up Seifer in his _sleep_ … and got an erection because of it...I’m such a pervert.

    After having a guilt riddled ‘release’ of my ‘problem’, I got dressed and came out of my room, not even really wanting to _look_ at him right now. He could see right through me when I came here, so who’s to say that he won’t see right through me and know that I had dirty thoughts about him? Sure if we were still together, he’d use it against me and tease me and I’d probably earn myself a round of ‘punishment’ sex and he’d delay my orgasm, which is such a sweet hell… Pausing, I let out a frustrated growl, ruffling up my hair in irritation. Come the fuck on! This isn’t like me at all!! Since when do I _think_ this _much_ about something?! I’m a man of action, I _do_ . I’m overthinking this to all hell. So what if he finds out? Like he’ll say anything, it’s not like it’s surprising, I was his fucking _lover_ , why the fuck _wouldn’t_ I get aroused by the sight of his naked body?! I’m acting like he’ll blow up and I’ll be out in the snow if I upset him. I just need to be myself and not get consumed by all this stupid shit. If I managed to nail him by being myself once, I can rebuild this relationship the same way.

    Seifer, like usual, was downstairs, cooking in the kitchen for us. It’s kind of funny that he’s such a homemaker. I never thought about it, but Seifer made all the food when we were living together. I’m not the most competent cook, so I guess it was only natural that he was the one cooking. Being without his food for so long finally made it a lot clearer to me. It’s funny because he’s this tall, strong guy with a scar and rippling muscles, yet he’s so thoughtful and sweet. Who would make me a sweet breakfast in bed if I was ever sick and who has an affinity for women’s shampoo because ‘men’s tries to smell like a fucking beast’s musk, why would he want it on his skin’. He buys a flowery detergent because he loves the smell of lilacs or cherry blossoms and doesn’t give a shit if he smells like it. Hell, the guy wears crop tops sometimes when jogging or going to the gym because he likes showing off his body. No one dares to give him shit about it because he looks like he could crush your skull with his hand, but that’s what I love about him. He’s not afraid to be ‘soft’ and would show me lots of PDA because he’s fine with being out there and different. He just doesn’t seem to fit his image, and it’s almost exciting that only I know what a sap Seifer can be and I have him all to myself.  

    After we ate breakfast, Seifer and I began setting up the Christmas decorations, having a good laugh about how bad we both were at this. Neither of us have a future in being a home decorator, that’s for sure. We managed to get the decorations up in a decent time, it looking better than we both thought it would. For two guys with no experience in something like this, I think we did a good job. Seifer and I were lounging on the couch, exhausted from having to do all that work. I was laying across his lap, having just plopped there while Seifer had his arms on the back of the couch. His platinum blond hair was a mess, both stuck to his forehead with sweat and going every which way. Despite anything going wrong with his hair, he’ll always be attractive to me. Said sweaty blond looked down at me curiously, the both of us sharing a moment where we just were quietly staring at one another. You could almost feel the tension growing slowly, the realization that I could feel his heat seeping into me through the thin material of his pants and my shirt hitting me. If I was ballsy, I could so easily reach up and pull him down for a kis-

    I didn’t even have time to finish my thought before we both jumped at the door being opened and slammed. Our eyes snapped over to the door at the same time, making me all but leap out of Seifer’s lap out of habit. His mother and father were standing there, brushing off the snow from themselves as they looked over to us. Mrs. Almasy was positively _beaming_ , flashing a wide, almost knowing smile at us.

“ Evening boys! Don’t mind us, we were just checking to make sure the place was still intact, lord knows what two boys are capable of doing to a place if left alone!” She tittered, taking a step in, looking around the room in half awe and appreciation. “ But I see you two did a fabulous job at decorating! I’m impressed!” The short, bubbly woman clapped her hands together as the more stoic man behind her slipped into the kitchen to place the bags he was holding down. I know I’m still much too close to Seifer for my own good, my thigh nearly pressed against the his. If I was smart, I’d scoot away, but I’m craving any contact with the other man that I can get.

    Seifer’s parents claimed they came to make sure everything was ready and to put some desserts and drinks and such in the fridge, but I knew there was more. I have the distinct feeling that Seifer’s mother wanted to see if we were either ready to kill each other like in high school, or if we made up and are together again. Honestly, I’d like to know where we stood as well… I haven’t thought about a relationship so much since I first dated. If I’m not careful, I’m going to strain something running myself in circles in my head.

    Thankfully they didn’t stay long and nothing to report happened, the night saving me from having to think about much else before I was thrust into Christmas day. Seifer’s parents are buzzing around downstairs, people meant to be coming soon while I’m busy trying to make myself presentable. Seifer came in while I was busy trying to figure out what level of messy my hair should be. I glanced over to see him leaning against the doorframe, looking downright _delectable_. His hair was tame for once in his life, a slick black button down with rolled up sleeves hugging him, a blood red tie loose around his neck while he had dress pants that cupped him in all right right places. Even from where I am at the mirror, I can smell an alluring cologne wafting off of him, not powerful as to make you gag but enough to leave you wanting to deeply inhale. If I wasn’t unsure of where we stood, I’d pull him in here so fast and make sweet, sweet love to him in such a flash his head would spin… God, why the fuck did he never put on that cologne before?! Does he realize how much head I would’ve given him if he had?!

“ It’s not polite to stare, chickie.” His silky voice cooed, doing nothing to convince me to _not_ follow through with the desire flooding my veins. With a huge effort, I pried my eyes away from him, focusing on my hopeless wavy hair. I don’t even have the sense to be embarrassed that I spent a good minute just eying him up like I was starving and he was the only meal for miles.

“ Shove it.” It had no bite to it whatsoever, too distracted by my hair and denying the urge to jump him to try to sound annoyed. Hearing a hum from the doorway, I glanced over to Seifer, catching the small glass of caramel colored liquid dangling from his fingers. It’s not surprising, he’s not driving anywhere and it’s a Christmas party. Drinking is something that happens. He handles it so well I wouldn’t know if he had drank any yet even if I tried. He has to be _pretty smashed_ before he’ll seem drunk.

“ I think you should leave your hair like it is. If you flatten it too much you’ll look stupid. Wild suits you.” Seifer put in, sounding thoughtful about the matter. He always did like my hair in its unruly state. Taking his input, I stopped messing with my hair, turning to face him, feeling drastically underdressed. All I had on were some nice light brown khaki pants and a dark blue button up t-shirt. It looked semi formal if you squinted hard enough. Meanwhile that asshole looks like he stepped out of some fancy restaurant. A lazy smirk settled across his face at seeing me take his opinion into account, knowing he loved when I listened to what he wanted.

    The party was nice. It made my homesickness fade away like a bad memory, Seifer’s family always having liked me, warmly welcoming my presence. It’s like Seifer and I are together all over again. I didn’t get to see a hell of a lot of him during the party, family having pulled him away to talk about his life. That left me to drink any thoughts that filled my head away as I chatted with his family. I could tell I had too much by how hard I giggled at stupid jokes, my face feeling perpetually hot. Everything just seemed like a pleasant haze where nothing could go wrong. When I found Seifer free finally, I snaked an arm around his waist, pulling his side flush against me as I grinned widely up at him. He must’ve drank a good bit too, seeing as he was only mildly surprised and did nothing more to detach me.

    After everything was all said and done, Seifer and I were left alone once more. His parent’s leaving us after all the guests returned home, trusting us to clean up tonight and tomorrow. Both Seifer and I were too drunk to want to clean much, simply sharing a dessert after changing into pajamas. Despite the drunken buffer put around me and the outside world, I could tell that we were standing way too close together. Seifer also clearly had a lot to drink, his eyes squinting carefully as he focused his energy into bringing his fork of french silk pie to his mouth. The strong urge to say something bubbled up in me, the liquid courage in my stomach sloshing, strengthening my resolve slightly as I stared at his face.

    All of a sudden there was a loud thump followed by a hiss, Seifer letting out a hiss himself, not seeming as alarmed by the noise as I was. Watching him viciously stab the french silk, I felt my heart thump as he staggered over to the temperature gauge, letting out a colorful swear.

“ Heat’s out.” He slurred slightly, glaring at the numbers like they personally offended him. He always did get a little more grouchy when he was buzzed, his short fuse shorter. He glanced over to me, looking considerably less angry. “ Looks like we’ll be camping out in front of the fireplace tonight. We’ll be leaving tomorrow so we might as well wait until then to get something out here to fix it.” He sighed, moving to grab the slice of stabbed pie and his glass, leading the way out to the living room.

    We both huddled together to share a thick blanket, the fire crackling before us as we sipped whiskey while sharing our pie. Maybe it was the booze, or maybe it was sharing body heat, but I felt the nagging come back to nip at the back of my brain. _Tell him. Tell him so this whole stupid mess can be over with_. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I swirled the whiskey in my lonely glass, glancing in the fire before I finally opened my mouth, but was beat to the punch, the words stolen from my throat.

“ I really missed you… you know.” Wide brown eyes clashed with cool blues as I stared at him in shock at his emotion strained voice, it so uncharacteristically quiet and choked up. A number of emotions flashed in his eyes that I couldn’t fathom in my half hazy state- or a stone cold sober state, honestly. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard his voice so _raw_ with emotion… probably since the last time we talked before this whole mess. When I broke up with him… The breath he took in shook as he placed the glass that was loosely held by his fingers next to him, a weak laugh slipping from him. “ You don’t know how hard it is to try and forget you… for the smallest moment I _tried_ , wanting fucking _anything_ to take away the pain. It only managed to make it so, _so_ much worse. This whole time, I, I’ve been _wallowing_ in self hate, forgetting what the fuck we even fought about, wishing that maybe, maybe I could’ve said something differently. Something that’d fix everything. I never had the courage to text you or try to contact you, afraid of getting my ass handed to me again. Then.. _then_ you-you _show up_ , out of fucking nowhere…? God, I didn’t know whether to hate you or pull you in and breathe in your stupidly addictive smell.” Seifer ran a shaky hand through his hair, allowing another self-deprecating laugh as he stared into the fire, the light twinkling in his eyes. “ This whole time I’ve had to hold myself back from touching or kissing you. I want to just be wrapped up in you again, it’s almost painful how much I want you.” My voice failed me at hearing him say that with such a breathy voice, his eyes burning even more than the fire when he looked back at me.

“ Seifer…” I couldn’t be bothered with words, having to blink back tears as I grinned widely at him. Leaning forward, I captured his lips in a kiss, both of us groaning at the action, it being _way_ too long since we last kissed. Reaching up, I tangled my hands in his hair, tugging lightly as my eyes fluttered shut. I’m not sure if the sudden heat that washed over me was from my drink, the fire, or Seifer, or some combination of all three. The blond in front of me moved his hand to my hip, working his fingers under my shirt until he was finally able to push it up, ghosting his fingers along my side. Gasping into the kiss, I greedily accepted the tongue that slipped into my mouth, everything a lot slower than usual. Tears had been blinked out, wetting my cheeks as Seifer’s freehand worked into my messy locks.

    Seifer only pulled away to move his attention to kissing along my jawline and down to my neck. They were sweet, tender kisses and little nips, whimpers falling from my lips, unable to help my aroused shiver that had nothing to do with the creeping cold. As he nipped at my neck, he slowly pushed me back, the blanket falling underneath me as the fire washed us in a soft glow. Soft moans slipped from me as he moved to push up my shirt, trailing tender, wet kisses along every inch of skin. It was like he was trying to make up for our time apart. New tears threatened to fall at how loving and gentle he was being, the romantic atmosphere too much for me and my emotionally buzzed self. I’ll blame it on the whiskey if he ever brings it up again.

    Our combined heat once our clothes were off made it seem like the heat had never went out, our bodies sliding together. Wrapping my arms around him, I buried my neck into his neck, wincing slightly at him pushing inside, waves of pleasure and pain trickling through me. I bit down on his neck to hold back a moan at his hips rolling, eliciting a breathy groan from my _ex_ -ex-lover. This is probably the gentlest, quietest, most romantic round of love making we’ve ever had. I have no idea why it makes me so fucking emotional though. I _did_ imagine that our makeup sex would be rough and involve pent up horneyness, so this is drastically different.

    A thin layer of sweat covered both of us as we neared our finish, our noises getting a little more volume now. The fire was just about the best mood lighting i could’ve asked for, Seifer’s blond hair being lit up by the fire, making him look like a utter fucking angel, halo included. Tears welled up yet again, it happening way more than I’m okay with this night, as I looked up into Seifer’s arousal blown eyes.

“ God, I love you Hayner,” He breathed, leaning down to press his forehead against mine, his damp hair falling on my face slightly. I let out a moan, the white hot coiling in my groin tightening as I neared release.

“ I-I love you too Seif-” I choked out between a moan and a sob, not sure if I wanted to be climaxing or crying like an idiot apparently, so I did both as I cried out, seeing stars. Collapsing to the ground, I thanked the Almasy’s for having the sense to have a fluffy rug which kept us from being on the cold hardwood floor. We both panted, trying to catch our breaths, Seifer laying next to me with his arm lazily draped over my waist. Now that our warm, slightly grossly sweat slicked bodies weren’t against each other, I could feel the cold start seeping in. Shuddering, I rolled over, wrapping my arms around Seifer, pulling him flush against me. A shaky sigh passed my lips at his fingers tracing patterns along my back, his warm lips placing lazy kisses to my shoulder. It felt like i could cry again, but luckily I think I was out of tears and the energy needed to cry.

    Inhaling his oh so wonderful smell, I felt my body relax against his, the feeling of his strong arms around me more comforting than I thought. With his fingers trailing feather light against my skin, I was in ecstasy. Burying my face into his collarbone, I kissed it before tangling our legs together, feeling him tug the blanket around our naked bodies.

“ Please tell me this means you’ve forgiven me for being a stubborn idiot…?” I breathed, my liquid courage draining from my system, leaving me slightly more sober and a hell of a lot more worried. I felt his body jerk as he let out an annoyed scoff, a sharp flick to my ear paired with it.

“ No, I fucked you and poured my heart out to you and told you I loved you because I hate your guts.” He deadpanned, his voice dripping with the amount of sarcasm he poured over his words. His voice changed to a softer, lighter tone when he spoke again. “ Of course I forgive you, stupid. I forgave you the same night you shattered my whole world by breaking up with me. I only kept you at a distance during your stay because I still did hurt and I wanted to be sure everything was cleared between us before we got back together. I love you too damn much to let this affect me. You’re impossible to get over, you little fucker.” I didn’t even have time to open my mouth to reply before he was speaking again, his voice dropping dangerously low, enough to send a vague arouse shiver down my spine. “ But if you ever try this ‘heat of the moment’ break up with me again, I’ll fucking _end_ you. See if I let you be stupid like this again. _Talk_ to me next time you feel like blowing.” Smiling against his skin, I laughed lightly, snuggling closer to him. My whole _being_ seemed to buzz at being reminded just how much this brute loves me, sleep beginning to drag at my consciousness.

    We woke up the next morning to the pleased mixed with surprised squeak of Mrs. Almasy finding us, wrapped up in each other, naked with only a blanket covering us. We were smack in the middle of the living room after all. She was gushing about how she was coming to check up on us, having hoped that we might’ve worked everything out. Meanwhile, Seifer was blushing a deep red, clutching to the blanket like his life depended on it, clearly uncomfortable being under a blanket with his love with him mom _right_ _there_. My good mood couldn’t be ruined from last night, giggles bubbling up as I hugged Seifer’s middle happily.

    Once Seifer’s mom finally ‘left us to it’, Seifer and I had packed up, ready to head out today. I came up behind him as he stood with his bag at his feet, trying to make sure he had everything. Wrapping my arms around him, I hummed, nuzzling my face into his back as his hands rested over mine.

“ You know, this was all your mom’s doing. Who knew she was such a matchmaker?” I joked, knowing Seifer was rolling his eyes without actually seeing it.

“ This is probably the first and last time I’ll be thankful that she’s so damn nosy. She’s lucky that it was obvious I love you way too much. Now come on, I wanna make up for the time we’ve been apart thanks to your stupidity.” I opened my mouth to protest being called an idiot, getting cut off by Seifer grabbing my hand, pulling me in front of him so he could kiss me deeply. It was almost disappointing to see his stupid hat back on his head, resisting the urge to take that one from him too. If it wasn’t dead winter, I would.

* * *

 

    “ I’m not sure if I should be overly happy you two are back together… on one hand, you’re happy, which I want, but on the other hand…. I come over to this shit.” Roxas was standing in the doorway of my apartment, his hand covering his eyes. I gave him a key ages ago because he’s my best friend and sometimes I need people to just force me to stop being moody. Otherwise I’d constantly be locking myself up. 

    Seifer and I were splayed out on the floor, not too far from the door Roxas was currently standing in front of. Our clothes were thrown carelessly all over in our haste to get all over each other as soon as we stepped foot in my place. I was apologetically smiling up at Roxas, buck naked under an equally naked Seifer who was flush against me. I was flushed and sweaty, my breath shallow from not so innocent activities. The blond on me hardly cared that my best friend was four feet from us, his patience wearing thin as he rocked his hips against mine. I tried my best to hold in the breathy moan, my head lolling back as I grabbed my lover’s biceps. Roxas made a disgusted noise, having lost all embarrassment to seeing me in this position years ago. My eyes fluttered as I tried to get Seifer to stop rutting against me, wanting to say something to Roxas.

“ S-Sorry Rox. I’ll p-AY you b-back, lat- _AH~_!” A choked moan cut off my apology at Seifer roughly rolling his hips, done with me trying to speak while he wanted to do it.

“ Don’t bother. I’ll be bleaching the sin from my memory.” Roxas mumbled, moving to step around us, heading into the spare bedroom. I couldn’t even tell him that he’s not one to talk when I’ve probably caught Axel and him in worse situations.

    Needless to say, things are back to the way they should be, just needed a little help from a broken heater and some whiskey to patch things up.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!! Let me know what you thought!! :D


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